Anne of Green Gabbles....

How is it like to be you?

knock on woods

your happiness is your choice. i do sometimes find comfort in being sad. usually tears will make u feel better,,,or they don't?? but i do not dwell on the failure...just sometimes things are quite depressing for me. i rather take work stress than being in emotional stress. i keep on telling myself to have positive mental attitudes. last night i shared some stories in my life to a good friend of mine. she seemed to be shocked, she asked me how can i be so strong, she said she can't imagine how life can be so cruel towards me and thanking God that i can still survive and do not committed suicide. i just smiled coz i don't even know how can i be that strong. i am just aware that i am responsible for my own actions and reactions.I am responsible for how I feel and how I use my time. i have made wrong decisions, i guess we all do sometimes...but i do not want to blame anyone for anything, though they took part in making me feel miserable at that time. if you do not choose to be happy no one can make you happy. Do not blame God for that! And if you choose to be happy, no one can make you unhappy. this morning, i sent a message to a person that means a lot for me. a good friend. a soul mate. she surprisingly replied between her busyness. she told me that we are the one that make the people around proud, we are responsible with ourselves and no one else. she told me to look forward continue to pursue my dreams. she said again that i need to be focus and take the challenges coz i have a lot in me. there is time and season for everything. she said i should go and make new friends, no point to hang on history. i just need to believe in myself. i told her that i do make new friends, but i couldn't let go the old ones. i told her that memories keep me alive, remind me how much i am loved. nobody likes misery...neither do i. i just need to be happy, and good things will be drawn towards me like Magnets. finger crossed. you are not responsible for my happiness, i am. maybe it's time to let go, so everybody will be happier. please, help me, God...

I wish...

It's not about being better than someone else, it's about being better than you were the day before.. -Terry Pratchett I could make it all alright, but i couldn't. I've seen too much sorrow and i couldn't bear it with my fingers. People loved and be loved. People cried and my heart is breaking. I couldn't do anything. I could make some changes.

Falling in love to easily, but never quite so fast

Let the good times roll. Maybe there is no heaven. Maybe love is poison and sex is death. Maybe the rain will never stop us from hoping. Maybe again and again, you'll feel evicted. Maybe high life fuck-all from start to finish. Maybe love for me is slow. Maybe I want to make sure it's real. Maybe your - my thoughts so occupied on other things. Maybe I should read the book of secrets. Maybe I can't stop that? Maybe I need to Fall out of Love (or never in love so quickly) Maybe it was just a very passion? I do not know. There is no honest way to explain it.I just pushed my luck as far as I felt I could handle it, then slow down, and did whatever I had to between now and then. The edge is still out there. No, I don't think you should be worried, I think we have a great instant connection and thought we were soul mate within a few weeks. In short, I think we're one of the "insane attraction" types. I'm howling in my silence.

make me sobber, please!

Belajar menerima perbedaan adalah hal yang sulit untuk dilakukan, terutama bagi saya. Saya menyukai kesempurnaan, detail - detail kecil, saya merencanakan hal - hal yang akan dilakukan di masa depan, saya memikirkan bagaimana berbuat yang terbaik bagi saya dan orang lain, saya mendahulukan hal - hal penting. Seringkali saya terjebak diantara emosi dan perasaan yang tidak menentu akibat perbedaan yang ada. Saya tidak suka pemalas, orang yang tidak sigap, ataupun penunda - nunda. Sementara beberapa orang terdekat saya memiliki kualitas ini, kadang saya jadi merasa seperti habis minum double tequila 10 shots saja. Rasanya kepala berat, pusing, haus, yaaahh, begitulah kira - kira hangover ala tequila...enak tapi bikin ribet. Saya ingin berpetualang ke negeri antah berantah saja, dimana kejutan selalu menanti :=(

Reminder 07:45

Shall not make any decision when you are angry, and Don't make any promises when you are happy!

not young nor old

sedikit aneh. setelah 8 bulan bersama (ternyata waktu cepat berlalu), kami masih saja berusaha memahami satu sama lain. yah,dia yang bebal, dan saya yang keras. bukannya tidak mensyukuri apapun, hanya saja saya berharap mendapat sedikit saja keruwetan di tahun ini, soalnya masalah hidup lainnya pun masih setumpuk, tumpukkannya lebih tinggi dari setrikaan di rumah. hahahha. pacar saya ini memang banyak anehnya, tapi nyata. saya hampir tidak percaya apa yang dia dan kekasih lamanya lakukan dulu, atau beberapa hal yang saya anggap sedikit aneh...entahlah, mungkin itu tipe pacaran mereka, tapi sempat membuat saya geli sendiri dan tertawa cukup keras..oowwhh,cukup menghibur lah pokoknya. malam tadi setelah membicarakan beberapa hal yang tidak sampai menarik urat (phew), dia lantas mengatakan sesuatu yang kurang lebih menyatakan bahwa dia seharusnya tidak tinggal di jaman ini, saya lantas terbahak - bahak sambil membayangkan, menatap dia. saya menyepakati bahwa seharusnya dia berada di era '60 atau '70an saja. saya bilang kepada dia bahwa mungkin satu satunya yang tidak tampak usang dan sedikit modern adalah sepeda barunya dan celana dalam saja, semua yang ada di dirinya sudah usang, termasuk sikapnya yang kaku dan kurang fleksibel, macam berpacaran dengan kakek kakek jaman orde lama saja. ahahhahahhaha.....maaf,luv.... saya ini perempuan dewasa yang ber-ekspektasi memiliki hubungan yang manis, dewasa, penuh bumbu, dan bersemangat...jangan kembang kempis begini dong. yah, walau saya cukup mengerti dan memahami dia pun banyak melakukan perubahan. dari segi penampilan, lebih manis dengan panggilan sayang, berusaha mengimbangi saya, walau lempeng.com nya itu gak tertolong lagi..hiks yah, tapi saya masih optimis, sama seperti diamnya dia yang bermakna. hari esok pasti lebih baik, selama kita masih mampu berharap.