Pecah

Rasanya kok seperti masih mencari kepingan yang hilang? padahal keping itu sudah terlihat, namun masih terasa jauh untuk dijangkau...Rasanya setiap kali saya melangkah, keping itu ditarik seseorang yang lain di ujungnya.

Rasanya seperti campuran minum campuran cuka diberi garam dan bubuk kopi. Perut terasa mual, rasa tajam cuka yang menyengat plus pahitnya kopi (eh,kopi asam dink?)...

Lelah, ingin menyerah, seperti ditarik kedalam perut bumi ketika saya mengulang, mereview, mereka - reka....hmm..yah,kamu tahu apa yang saya maksud.

Saya tahu, Saya seharusnya melupakannya saja, membuang jauh segala pikiran itu, tapi maaf, saya tidak mudah melakukannya, tidak tanpa kamu yang membantu.

Maaf.

Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars. (Les Brown)

We all know that a drop of rain does not make a summer. But what about a storm, a hurricane?

Hope is the only virtue that makes you sail through even in your worst period of life.

Everything will work out just fine. Let's keep our fingers crossed and hope for the best.

Sometimes, you have to believe that something is possible even when there is some evidence to the contrary.

LIFE'S TOO SHORT TO MAKE ALL THE MISTAKES, SO LEARN FROM OTHERS'...

It's funny, yet so true. How can we afford to make all the mistakes life has to offer, while our time here is short?

Keep believing, Keep pursuing....

o,o, siapa dia?

Sekilas memang terlihat lumayan, dengan warna kulit cerah, tapi setelah lama dilihat, mukanya selalu nampak ditekuk, bukan tipe orang yang ceria dan menyenangkan. Bibirnya memang khas, menyiratkan sepertinya ia jarang tersenyum, bahkan pada saat ia tersenyum. Kekerasan hati, dengan gaya yang sok asik. Hiks, maap, bukan menyinggung. Hidup ini sungguh lucu, kenapa yah Tuhan bisa menciptakan guratan wajah seperti itu? ck!

circle-of-life

Play hard. Study hard. Enjoying youth. Have some adventures. Go to university. Find a decent job. Make a great carreer. Save money. Travel around. Get some exposures of life. Find a destiny. Get married. Have kids. Raise kids. Have some deposits. Make good investments. Die with happiness. Remembered by people around us.

you are...

The one i love

Accross The Universe

The universe is impressive. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind- bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the chemist's, but that's just peanuts to space.

Look again at that dot. That's here. That's home. That's us.

On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives.

The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every "superstar," every "supreme leader," every saint and sinner, every genius and idiots, every pain and every single breathe of every single human being.

I could never imagine how small we are. How selfish we are. How small we are. How selfish we are.

Across the Universe, there's something beyond our selfishness.

baca yo baca!

Pagi ini saya melihat seorang bapak penjual balon yang sedang berada di angkutan umum dan ia membeli sebuah koran dari sang pedagang koran keliling di lampu merah. Pemandangan ini sungguh menyenangkan. Negara kita memang tidak terlalu membiasakan budaya baca, tapi melihat beberapa orang mempunyai minat baca yang cukup besar itu sangat membahagaikan. Saya pun pernah berkata kepada salah seorang teman bahwa saya ingin melewatkan liburan bersama tumpukan - tumpukan buku...membaca dan membaca dan membaca. Tak salah juga yah punya kekasih seorang librarian..hhahaha...

Saya selalu membiasakan anak didik saya untuk membaca buku apa saja yang mereka sukai sebelum belajar. Mungkin mereka muak, namun dengan berjalannya waktu, mereka lebih memilih membaca di waktu luang.

Hummm, tapi yah, tetap saja saya tidak pandai membaca hati.

Cerita cinta tak hanya selalu milik dua orang

"Tak ada yang lebih menyakitkan daripada menatap kedua mata orang yang kamu cintai, lalu menemukan bayangan orang lain terpantul disana."

Tak perlu bermain dengan hatimu, berpikir bahwa semua baik - baik saja, menghabiskan waktu bersama, namun hatimu berada dalam bayangan orang lain...Mengutuk dalam hati, menghantui hari - hari dimana kau merasa bukan dia yang seharusnya kau genggam tangannya.

Dan waktu berjalan. Kau masih tidak mampu memberikan kepastian di catatan hati orang yang lain itu. Dia bukan orang bodoh, dia mencinta, dia mengerti, memberimu ruang,,,Tapi itu tidak pernah cukup untukmu, bukan? setan kecil dalam hatimu mengais - ngais, berharap sebuah pilihan kecil, letupan asmara yang penuh siasat, mampu merubah jalur kehidupan.

Sial! Hampir setiap malam kau memikirkannya, berharap dia kembali, atau sekedar merubah waktu, meloncati bagian dimana kau mengkhianati cinta kalian. Kau berharap menjadi kuat, melewati rentang waktu yang kosong ini.

Maaf, sayang, jangan tergesa - gesa mencuri waktu. Jika bahagia berarti melepasnya, pastikan saja kau memiliki kapasitas yang cukup untuk merelakan.

Otak manusia dirancang sedemikian unik untuk menyimpan segala memori, tidak menghapus begitu saja, tapi merubah sense-nya ke bentuk lain.

Ijinkan dia untuk mencinta dengan yang lain, selain kau...Seperti kau dan dia, aku juga ingin bahagia.

where do you buy your heart?

put your hand in your heart and think over. i've done my best, i've given what i can to assure that everything's well taken care of.

to think beyond self is always better. jealousy makes your heart smaller. i don't wish to be small at heart. whatta bout you?

i don't like to live my life under anyone's shadow. i will move on and give my best, i do not require any re-payment, i am most happy if you just be more understanding.

stand on the ground, do not let your self fly up high without knowing that u might burst yourself one day.

1-2-1-2-3-4

Give me more loving than I’ve ever had Make me feel better when I’m feeling sad Tell me I’m special even though I know I’m not Make me feel good when I hurt so bad Barely getting mad I’m so glad I found you I love being around you You make it easy Its as easy as 1-2-1-2-3-4 There’s only one thing To Do Three words For you I love you There’s only one way to say Those three words That’s what I’ll do Give me more loving from the very start Piece me back together when I fall apart Tell me things you never even tell your closest friends Make me feel good when I hurt so bad You’re the best that I’ve had And I’m so glad I found you I love being around you You make it easy (Plain White T's) so, baby if you don't love me, lie to me.

blahblah

menjalani percintaan beda agama saja sudah cukup sulit, apalagi ditambah beda karakter, beda pemikiran, beda perasaan...hummm....bukan saja sulit, tapi ribet, kusut, ngejlimet. walau tidak seperti orang tua Rosyid dan Delia, orang tua kami cukup fleksibel, tapi ceritanya mirip sekali...cukup mengharukan. tiba - tiba teringat pashmina putih - hitam itu...dia selalu bertengger disana, menunggu saya beli..hihi...

thin string in me

I wanna settled down, i wanna settled down. entah, saya ingin menikah. saya ingin laki laki yang sunguh mencintai dan bisa membahagiakan saya. it seemed that slowly but sure everyone is getting married or at least have someone who really can show their appreciation towards their partner. saya iri sekali padahal saya buka tipe pengiri sejati begini. walah, my mood swings, parah. God, can you send someone? or let someone open his heart and mind? i wanna settled down, or not at all. i wanna feel all those chemistry.

Anne of Green Gabbles....

How is it like to be you?

knock on woods

your happiness is your choice. i do sometimes find comfort in being sad. usually tears will make u feel better,,,or they don't?? but i do not dwell on the failure...just sometimes things are quite depressing for me. i rather take work stress than being in emotional stress. i keep on telling myself to have positive mental attitudes. last night i shared some stories in my life to a good friend of mine. she seemed to be shocked, she asked me how can i be so strong, she said she can't imagine how life can be so cruel towards me and thanking God that i can still survive and do not committed suicide. i just smiled coz i don't even know how can i be that strong. i am just aware that i am responsible for my own actions and reactions.I am responsible for how I feel and how I use my time. i have made wrong decisions, i guess we all do sometimes...but i do not want to blame anyone for anything, though they took part in making me feel miserable at that time. if you do not choose to be happy no one can make you happy. Do not blame God for that! And if you choose to be happy, no one can make you unhappy. this morning, i sent a message to a person that means a lot for me. a good friend. a soul mate. she surprisingly replied between her busyness. she told me that we are the one that make the people around proud, we are responsible with ourselves and no one else. she told me to look forward continue to pursue my dreams. she said again that i need to be focus and take the challenges coz i have a lot in me. there is time and season for everything. she said i should go and make new friends, no point to hang on history. i just need to believe in myself. i told her that i do make new friends, but i couldn't let go the old ones. i told her that memories keep me alive, remind me how much i am loved. nobody likes misery...neither do i. i just need to be happy, and good things will be drawn towards me like Magnets. finger crossed. you are not responsible for my happiness, i am. maybe it's time to let go, so everybody will be happier. please, help me, God...

I wish...

It's not about being better than someone else, it's about being better than you were the day before.. -Terry Pratchett I could make it all alright, but i couldn't. I've seen too much sorrow and i couldn't bear it with my fingers. People loved and be loved. People cried and my heart is breaking. I couldn't do anything. I could make some changes.

Falling in love to easily, but never quite so fast

Let the good times roll. Maybe there is no heaven. Maybe love is poison and sex is death. Maybe the rain will never stop us from hoping. Maybe again and again, you'll feel evicted. Maybe high life fuck-all from start to finish. Maybe love for me is slow. Maybe I want to make sure it's real. Maybe your - my thoughts so occupied on other things. Maybe I should read the book of secrets. Maybe I can't stop that? Maybe I need to Fall out of Love (or never in love so quickly) Maybe it was just a very passion? I do not know. There is no honest way to explain it.I just pushed my luck as far as I felt I could handle it, then slow down, and did whatever I had to between now and then. The edge is still out there. No, I don't think you should be worried, I think we have a great instant connection and thought we were soul mate within a few weeks. In short, I think we're one of the "insane attraction" types. I'm howling in my silence.

make me sobber, please!

Belajar menerima perbedaan adalah hal yang sulit untuk dilakukan, terutama bagi saya. Saya menyukai kesempurnaan, detail - detail kecil, saya merencanakan hal - hal yang akan dilakukan di masa depan, saya memikirkan bagaimana berbuat yang terbaik bagi saya dan orang lain, saya mendahulukan hal - hal penting. Seringkali saya terjebak diantara emosi dan perasaan yang tidak menentu akibat perbedaan yang ada. Saya tidak suka pemalas, orang yang tidak sigap, ataupun penunda - nunda. Sementara beberapa orang terdekat saya memiliki kualitas ini, kadang saya jadi merasa seperti habis minum double tequila 10 shots saja. Rasanya kepala berat, pusing, haus, yaaahh, begitulah kira - kira hangover ala tequila...enak tapi bikin ribet. Saya ingin berpetualang ke negeri antah berantah saja, dimana kejutan selalu menanti :=(

Reminder 07:45

Shall not make any decision when you are angry, and Don't make any promises when you are happy!

not young nor old

sedikit aneh. setelah 8 bulan bersama (ternyata waktu cepat berlalu), kami masih saja berusaha memahami satu sama lain. yah,dia yang bebal, dan saya yang keras. bukannya tidak mensyukuri apapun, hanya saja saya berharap mendapat sedikit saja keruwetan di tahun ini, soalnya masalah hidup lainnya pun masih setumpuk, tumpukkannya lebih tinggi dari setrikaan di rumah. hahahha. pacar saya ini memang banyak anehnya, tapi nyata. saya hampir tidak percaya apa yang dia dan kekasih lamanya lakukan dulu, atau beberapa hal yang saya anggap sedikit aneh...entahlah, mungkin itu tipe pacaran mereka, tapi sempat membuat saya geli sendiri dan tertawa cukup keras..oowwhh,cukup menghibur lah pokoknya. malam tadi setelah membicarakan beberapa hal yang tidak sampai menarik urat (phew), dia lantas mengatakan sesuatu yang kurang lebih menyatakan bahwa dia seharusnya tidak tinggal di jaman ini, saya lantas terbahak - bahak sambil membayangkan, menatap dia. saya menyepakati bahwa seharusnya dia berada di era '60 atau '70an saja. saya bilang kepada dia bahwa mungkin satu satunya yang tidak tampak usang dan sedikit modern adalah sepeda barunya dan celana dalam saja, semua yang ada di dirinya sudah usang, termasuk sikapnya yang kaku dan kurang fleksibel, macam berpacaran dengan kakek kakek jaman orde lama saja. ahahhahahhaha.....maaf,luv.... saya ini perempuan dewasa yang ber-ekspektasi memiliki hubungan yang manis, dewasa, penuh bumbu, dan bersemangat...jangan kembang kempis begini dong. yah, walau saya cukup mengerti dan memahami dia pun banyak melakukan perubahan. dari segi penampilan, lebih manis dengan panggilan sayang, berusaha mengimbangi saya, walau lempeng.com nya itu gak tertolong lagi..hiks yah, tapi saya masih optimis, sama seperti diamnya dia yang bermakna. hari esok pasti lebih baik, selama kita masih mampu berharap.